Crying Out
This reflection was originally posted on Oct 17, 2021 by beloved New Leaf community member, Erik, on TheInceptionofWonder.com. We have become a community that supports each other, not just learns together, and we miss Erik in the Learning Centre as he recovers. Re-published with permission.
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It has been a week since my left shoulder cuff reconstruction surgery. Having been in a wheelchair since 1994, I am used to pain & challenges. But these past few days have been some of my worst since my original spinal cord injury. Last night, after a particularly hard day, I called my wife, Bonnie, with tears flowing from my eyes; I felt completely defeated, inept, & fearful of death. Have you ever felt this way before?
It seems as though our world discourages the act of crying out when we are suffering. There is this social expectation of never openly revealing that you are struggling & hurting. Even in Christian community’s we are told to suppress our anguish & feelings of dismay. Words are spoken to us like, “We are not supposed to have a spirit of fear.” And, “Claim your healing & just believe in it.” Is there no place for doubt in one’s journey of faith? I mean, doesn’t God want us to be authentically honest with him in our times of need?
Paul in the scriptures certainly had his moments of emotional desperation. Writing to the Corinthians, he shared that, “we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death.” (2 Cor. 1:8-9) Language that no doubt reveals the feelings of deep suffering & fear that he & his friends experienced while in Asia.
Of course we are all familiar with the story of Job & his crying out to God. “I cry to you for help & you do not answer me; I stand, and you only look at me.“ (Job:30:20) Borrowing the words ironically from my surgeon, Dr. Marlis Sabo, in an article she wrote on suffering a few years ago, “Job doesn’t sit on his dung heap stoically scratching his boils & listening to his admittedly useless friends. He rails against his situation loudly &, to our sensibilities, carries on outrageously.”
And Jesus too, had his moments of utter turmoil. Wrestling in the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus cried out to his, “Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me; yet, not my will but yours be done.” (Luke 22:42) And who can forget the anguish in his cries from the cross, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” that is, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matt. 27:46)
So how can we then cry out in our moments of deep heartfelt vulnerability & authenticity?
Cry Out To Those We Love — There is no getter depth of love & trust than being willing to share our deepest fears & emotions with those who are close to us. It is through these moments that not only healing & comfort can be experienced together, but also the growth of relational interdependence that binds us together in fortitude & strength. It is why I can fall completely to my spiritual knees while being embraced by my wife during the hardships I am facing today & still know she does not see me as weak or any less capable of the greatest strengths that I have.
Cry Out To Those In The Battle With You — Perhaps one of the greatest supports we find in the trenches of life is reaching out to those who are with us in similar battles & struggles. Support groups, online social media sites, and if you’re in a hospital, like me, roommates are spaces & people we can authentically share the struggles of self-defeat that we are internally & externally battling. I still can remember the strong character-shaping memories I had of going to the abandoned rooftop deck of the old General Hospital in the dark of night with fellow spinal cord injuries to look out over the lights of the city, see the Stampede fireworks, & share our heartfelt stories of anguish to the new challenges we find ourselves with as people in wheelchairs. Of course, then we would all hear the hospital’s page system calling us back to the unit as we had all gone awol.
Cry Out To God — The characters I described above do not simply cry out with meaningless lack of direction or recognition to who they are speaking to. They cry out because they trust that they are in relationship with a God who truly loves & cares for them no matter what place or situation of suffering they find themselves in. They look to a God who is Almighty & able to intervene & deliver them from their pain & anguish. Rather than see a God who inflicts suffering for any such reason including unbelief; Paul, Job, & Jesus reach for a God of salvation & miraculous works who exists through the span of eternity. A God who deeply desires to search us out in the hidden places we may be in complete authenticity & nakedness.
Friends, today I find myself in that position of complete supplication & the need to cry out! Cry out to the ones who I love & love me! Cry out to those who are in the battle with me! And cry out to an all-powerful & all-loving God who can rescue me from the depths in which I find myself!
As I do, perhaps, you might cry out with me too!