Third Tuesday of Advent
Scripture Reading for Today:
Waiting
by Alicia Wilson
Advent is a time of waiting. Waiting for a time when it does not feel like evil is triumphing. Waiting for God’s restoration, when all in the world will be set right. Waiting for the Christ child to return as King.
This year as I reflect on the season of advent I realize more than ever that I am tired of waiting. I am tired of waiting amidst the brokenness of this world. My heart is heavy from a year of heartache and disappointment. This year I said goodbye to my niece, who I never got to meet. Her arrival into this world was just sooner than her little body could survive. In her death, I had to watch my sister and brother-in-law grieve the child they had prayed for and waited to conceive for over 10 years. This year my heart broke when a three-year relationship that I thought would end in marriage, simply and suddenly ended. It was a relationship that was fractured by the realities of loving someone in the throes of addiction.
This year I struggled with the highs and more often deep lows of depression that I often experience, as I navigate living with bipolar disorder. Unsure of what tomorrow will hold, I often find myself entering the day with anxiety present. And this year I said goodbye to my shadow when I put my Aussiedoodle down. She was a comforting presence that was always right by my side.
This year was not the year I had hoped it would be. It was a year in which my broken heart longed for the world to be set right. I longed for darkness to be chased out by the light. I longed for the waiting to be over. Yet in this longing, Advent reminds me to hold onto hope.
I hold onto the hope that despite the heartache and brokenness of this year there was still beauty. Deep…profound...sacred beauty. It was the beauty of the community. People who chose to enter into the brokenness of my life and carry me through the year. There is deep beauty that shows up when we meet one another in each other's suffering and grief.
I am grateful for the people who have walked through this year with me. At the funeral of my niece my sister and brother-in-law were surrounded by family and lifelong friends that showed up to share in their grief. There have been many deep heart-to-heart talks about loss and relationship where I could be vulnerable and raw about my emotions. I was completely surprised and overwhelmed with gratitude when my cousins pooled together money to help me cover the vet bill for my dog. On my darkest days of depression, I have been reminded by mentors that the darkness won’t last and I just need to hold on. And as I hold on I am reminded of the hope we find in each other.
Yes, Advent does call us to wait. It calls us to wait in the tension of now and not yet….but we do not wait alone. This Advent season, it is the gift of community that reminds me, that in the midst of a suffering world the incarnate God chose to show up.
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